S on Twitter: Why you never reply any of my tweets one. Sigh. Anyway have fun in NZ. See you when ur back..
=/
5 and a half hours to take-off.
Not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Its 3pm, and I've sorta just gotten up 30 minutes ago.
I've been sleeping when the sun rises these past few days I've been back.
First night cause of Jalan Kayu, second night cause of Changi, third night cause.. Well, cause I wasn't that tired.
Ought to stop this bad habit..
Friday was spent slacking around, killing time.
Then went to the airport to meet the FCC.
Lena, Sze and Feli were there with Alvin and Russell.
The boys left to have some Golden Gaytime, and we went to have dinner at some Wang food place thingy.
Food here is so cheap.. $3 something?
Anyway, ate, took pictures, Anthea came, then we went to look for the guys.
They were still hungry, so we went to another food outlet and they sat down to eat while I went to wait at Belt 41 for Steph to arrive.
She took damn long la.
Saw her parents while waiting, then I walked to the other side of the pillar to sit down.
Hahaha..
Sze Lena and Feli showed up suddenly, I bet it was cause they wanted to see how Steph looked like.
So we camwhored, and slacked, till Steph finally came out.
She went and hugged her parents, then her two friends that came down.
And I was still sitting down, didn't really feel like going up to her.
But then she was still looking around after hugging her parents and friends, and the 3 of them were like "GO LA CHAR! HURRY!".
So like, okay la.. Go la..
Damn cute.
When she saw me, she like shouted "Charrrrrrrr!" and ran towards me and hugged me like we haven't seen each other in months.
I was like, woah.. Didn't I just see you yesterday?
Haha.. But t'was nice la. (:
Chatted for awhile, then I went off with the 3 of them to rejoin the FCC.
Sat down awhile, then thought I'd go look for Fiona, who was downstairs eating with her brother.
Took the escalator down, and guess who I saw?
Walked with Steph behind her family to the carpark.
We talked, she said V sent her off when I asked her who sent her off..
Then she said that they worked things out, and when I asked if she was gonna come down this weekend she was back to her "see how" phase again(before I left for home, she was the one who kept asking if my weekend was fully booked la).
I don't know why, but I was super sian after that.
Like bipolar syndrome sian.
Didn't feel like looking for Fiona anymore so I went back upstairs.
Everyone could tell that something was wrong, and with these guys, I didn't feel like I had anything to hide.
So we slacked till Feli and Alvin had to go, then went down to Popeye's to eat somemore till Anthea had to go.
Russell, Lena and Sze were nice enough to keep me company the entire night.
Bought some beer, then Russell drove us to the end of East Coast beach, and we sat on a banner and watched planes fly over and played cards in the dark.
Stayed there till 3+am, then I was saying I was gonna go get Big Breakfast at 4am.
Russell then drove us down to East Coast's Maccers, where we ate breakfast, before driving me home.
T'was a good night, spent with quality people.
Stayed at home the whole of yesterday, played with the kids, watched Glee!, mum spoke to me about some family stuff too.
My aunts came over for dinner and so we ate together and watched "Talking Cock: The Movie."
After that we all went for a walk at CompassPoint.
Been awhile since I've been there.
Bought a toothbrush, then sat down at Subway to watch them eat and talk, then we walked home.
Tomorrow's gonna be spent visiting Auntie Hilda in the morning, and packing for the NZ trip in the afternoon, and then going back to the airport in the late afternoon for the flight out.
It feels kinda shitty, I've only just unpacked all my things, and now I have to pack up and leave again.
In a way, I think that this upcoming trip might be good.
After the 13 days I don't see her, we'll see who misses whom more to initiate the first meetup.
I have a feeling that I'll lose though.. Oh well.. =/
Was supposed to go to the Zoo today to walk around.. But its already so late so I'll probably give that a miss.
Am supposed to see the doctor about my eye too, and go down for the HRSS event at Anchorvale to say hi to everyone.
Damn lazy to go out though.
Hopefully I'll have dinner/supper with the FCC to look forward to later.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Its 6am, and I'm chilling in my room(IN SINGAPORE), waiting for my parents to get up and shower so I won't wake them when I shower after them.
Yesterday was all a big rush.
Woke up close to noon, packed all my shit.
Darek, William and Christine helped me transport and move my stuff from my room in SV to Joanna's place in Canningvale.
Cancelled the dinner that I planned cause it was way too rushed.
Was supposed to go watch the sunset with S, but we decided to just go to the airport first.
She stayed with me, had dinner there, Serena, Ian and Victor came down.
Then they waited with me till I entered the boarding gates before leaving.
Flight landed at 2.50am this morning.
Bought alcohol, had to pay $20 for MY BIRTHDAY JAGER, which I decided to bring home.
Damn sian.
Cabbed home alone, put my stuff down, played with my baby, then met Jenny to go for prata.
Makaned, talked, then we did our walk home from Jalan Kayu.
I walked alllll the way home!
And here I am.
S tweeted this at 11pm yesterday:
Only thing keeping me going: @timbrewolves Feels so great to see you off at the departure gates, and still be able to say "See you tmr" :)
Mmmm...
And the time you said that this is forever..
Gonna start my final 3 hour paper in 2 hours.
Goin' crazy!
And the time you said that this is forever..
Friday, met Serena in the city around 11am, went for a haircut, had lunch.
Then, Alex called her, she was supposed to go shopping with the Mels in the city.
So Serena asked Alex if I could come too and we both went to meet them at Harbourtown.
T'wasn't that bad. I think bridges are rebuilding themselves, slowly, but hopefully, surely.
We all split ways about 4.45pm.
I headed home to change and get ready to go for the Avenue Q musical.
Friday night was a rollercoaster.
S was 30+minutes late to meet me, even though she set the meeting time.
When I got in the car, you could cut the tension with a knife.
I easied up after that, started to enjoy her company again.
But I still was planning on giving her a taste of her own medicine, I was texting people throughout the night, being very vague, and basically acting how she always acted.
Then when I mentioned that I might go join the rest after the musical for karaoke, her mood went downhill again.
So I tried to salvage it la, by like saying oh she'd be my frist choice and I'd only go if she wanted to go home and stuff.
Cause I knew she was sian, but she didn't wanna tell me anything about it.
So we parked the car and started walking to the Regal Theatre in Subicao.
On the way, she finally opened up, saying that she felt like just taking the next flight home cause she was tired of going through whatever she was going through.
We talked abit about it, then got our tickets and enjoyed the musical throughly.
Avenue Q is really awesome la, and we only had to pay AU$50 for it here! Sweet.
Darek called and asked if I wanted to hang out during the musical, so I called him back after and we decided on Onyx Bar, cause I knew that S would go if it were at Onyx.
We had about an hour to kill, so we drove around, attempted to pump air into her car's tires, and made a super duper impulsive decision to go to King's Park.
There was this crazy ass jam in King's Park, the worst I've ever seen.
The line of cars went for more than 2km, it was the most populated I've seen King's Park.
There was no way that we were gonna get out of there fast and we didn't wanna sit in the car in the jam, so we went to walk to the war memorial, then lay down and stargazed and talked.
We left when Christine called, saying that they've picked Leon and Debby up and were on the way to Onyx.
Drove down to Onyx, only to wait outside for 30minutes, watching fights break out.
We decided to find another club, Metro City being the first choice.
When we got there, S and I stood outside, and listened to the music.
It really sucked so I asked them if they wanted to go to Eve instead.
So Eve it was.
When we got there, S and I had to use the bathroom, so we paid the cover charge and went in first.
Then, Christine called and said that the rest didn't really want to club tonight, just wanted to chill and all that, so they weren't gonna come in.
I got damn pissed I tell you.
One, cause S was damn sian, two, cause they should've said something when we were club hopping.
So the two of us went up, I drank, then we stood around for the longest time.
Luckly, we met some random people who were high and happy, and kept getting us to dance.
I did enjoy myself at Eve, except for the parts where S got phone calls from him, and just walked away without a word.
Of course I followed, but stood out of earshot and waited patiently for her till she was done.
Then suddenly she told me that she was leaving around 2am, going to meet him.
I'm like, oh, okay.
In my head I was thinking, "You're gonna meet him, then what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get home?"
I got even more irritated.
Drank somemore, let loose, partied with random people.
I was surprised when she didn't leave at 2am, she stayed till Christine texted saying that they were leaving.
So I told them to wait for me, walked S to her car, then met up with them.
Ended up going to Darek's to play cards and mahjong till morning, then I took the bus home alone.
Slept from 9+am till 3+pm.
Was gonna start studying when S msned me.
s
watcha up to
...
s
theres a flight out at 1am
i feel like taking it
ifs and maybes.
if that's what you really want
then go for it
s
idk if i shd
its quite rush too
but i just wanna get out of here
...
ifs and maybes.
hmm
why wouldn't you want to take the flight
s
dno if im doing it out of anger
ifs and maybes.
what happened?
s
v la
...
s
hmmmm idk
a part of me wants to go, but a part of me is feeling too fucked out to walk out the house
*up
ifs and maybes.
can i go over then?
s
and do what?
idk if i can entertain u
im just feeling damn low now
ifs and maybes.
i'll just listen if you want to talk
s
hmm..if u rly have nth else to do i guess
ifs and maybes.
i'll see you in abit k
s
k take ur time
As soon as she asked "watcha up to", I had a feeling that something was up.
Cause she doesn't usually ask me what I'm doing and all that random stuff.
So I walked over, spent the evening/night with her.
We talked about what she was going through, and I gave my opinions.
She told me that she's only staying in Perth cause he asked her to, cause he said that they'd do stuff together.
I was damn sad when I heard that, and was wondering if she'd stay if I asked her to.
I mean, I ask her to come to the library to keep me company already she wouldn't.
She said that she was tired of him always walking away from her, like leaving her to hang out with her friends, and I knew exactly what she meant, cause I feel that way about her.
I told her abit of that, but didn't wanna unload everything on her when she was already so low.
Stayed, chatted, had dinner with the folks in her house, chilled in her room.
Met William at 11.30pm and we went to check out this house party down at Cottlesloe.
Syak invited us, but it turned out to be a gathering/chillout session.
We stayed till midnight then left to head home.
Got up today, slacked around. And am still slacking.
Serena called earlier and we talked for the longest time.
Damn fun la that kid.
She said that V was probably with S, and I agreed.
Oh well, hope they manage to sort things out.
My 3rd paper is in 16 hours, and I've yet to start studying for it.
Intended to start yesterday but S was feeling so low.
I don't really know how I'm gonna pass my paper tomorrow.
Probably gonna pull an all nighter, finish my coke and red bull and snacks at the same time.
Sze was right la, its damn hard to watch the one I care about so much, leave and walk into someone else's arms.
But I don't really have a choice do I.
=(
"So take, take everything, and leave me scrambling. Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place."
And the time you said that this is forever..
I will try to stay irritated with you today.
Try.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Today I,
Asked if you wanted to go bowling, you said okay.
Asked if we could set a specific time, so that after that time had passed and you didn't get back to me yet, I could safely assume that we weren't going anymore.
You said later in the day.
I asked what that meant, now, later, tomorrow, next year?
You said after dinner.
So, like a fool, a part of me waited, and waited.
Then you text me at 9.45pm, saying "Hey so sorry, last min change of plans. Sorry sorry' I'll make it up to u tmr..."
I felt bad for getting irritated.
Then my suspicions are confirmed, you're with him, at his house.
Thanks a bunch, for being such a great friend.
Really, I couldn't find a better friend.
And you've finally decided to watch Avenue Q with me tomorrow, cause he already has plans.
Damn good friend right?
Its okay, in my head, I've already planned the route I will take from the theatre back to SV after the musical.
But then again, there's still that screwed up part of me that will keep hoping for the best.
Never forget Char, that expectations only lead to disappointments.
And the time you said that this is forever..
I just failed my driving.
No one knows just how fucked up I'm feeling right now.
Not even you.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Camping out at V's house with S and his sister.
Gonna watch the Leonid Meteor Shower later at 4am from King's Park, hopefully.
S is in the room with V talking to her ex on the phone, his sister sleeping on the mattress outside to keep me company.
I'm attempting to go without sleep tonight so that I can study and be ready for my 9.30am exam.
Its not a super duper hard one cause I've already passed the unit and all, so no worries there.
Starting to stress bout my other units though..
Time to study study study!
Went driving today with Steph, visited Wireless Hill Park, my old house, and just random places.
Then we carried out an experiment.
Steph told me that to be a smooth driver, you should imagine an egg in between your foot and the pedals and you must not break the egg when you step on it.
So we really put an egg between the foot and the pedals, she drove.
It didn't break no matter how hard she stepped on it though.
So that was a myth, proven fact.
Hahaha..
T'was good.
Gotta practice my driving these next two days, test's set on Thursday morning.
Hope I can pass and get it done before I head home.
Just got my jacket back and I'm wearing it now..
Crap, it smells like you. =/
Sigh.
ps: You looked damn cute today in my clothes. ((:
And the time you said that this is forever..
Ah fuck. If you didn't care, it would make everything so much easier.
Now I feel bad.
And now, 80 minutes later, I'm annoyed again.
Uggh, me and my moodswings.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Yesterday was so good, so why is today so bad?
Fucked up my driving in the morning, slept that off,
Sat around waiting for you for like 2+ hours?
Finally gave up waiting and asked if we were gonna meet today.
After damn long you replied and said maybe later, asking if I need to study or what.
You have no idea how much I despise waiting around for you, when there isn't a set time.
And you have no idea how tired I am of your "Maybe"s and "I'll get back to you"s and "I'll let you know"s.
So I just told you that I think we should just forget meeting today, anyway its probably already too late to get the ingredients we need.
I figure that if you really know me, like you say, and care that much about me, that you'll pick up on my mood and ask if I'm okay or come check on me or something.
But I bet that if he's with you now, you'll just ignore whatever it is with me and stay with him.
So that just leaves me and my stupidity.
Well done Char.
Oh don't mind me, its just a fucked up day today. (:
Rooster - Staring At The Sun
Daylight on my shoulder
Makes me feel alive
You kept me standing in your shadow
And it's a cold cold place to hide
I'm running away from this messed up place
I'm breaking free, yeah yeah
I'm tired of staring at the sun
Can't stand the way you burn my eyes so I can't see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don't need this kind of light coz now I'm done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I know you won't let me
But just turn and walk away
I'm tired of when you kick me around
Trying to kill my dreams and break me down
But I won't hang around
I'm running away from this messed up place
I'm breaking free, yeah yeah
I'm tired of staring at the sun
Can't stand the way you burn my eyes so I can't see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don't need this kind of light coz now I'm done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I was staring at the sun
Daylight on my shoulder
I know its time to run
Yes I know its time to run
I'm tired of staring at the sun
Can't stand the way you burn my eyes so I can't see
Stealing every breath I breathe (stealing every breath I breathe)
You push me into overdrive
And I don't need this kind of light coz now I'm done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
Yeah, yeah staring at the sun
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
And the time you said that this is forever..
The previous weekend seemed to be the start of a downhill decline for me.
However, since meeting Clemmie on Tuesday, everything seems to be getting better.
I've had four wonderful days, hope there'll be more to come.
Tuesday, Hillary's Boat Harbour and AQWA with Clemmie.
Wednesday, studying in the library with Serena, M spoke to me! Dinner with Alex and etc.
Thursday, studying in the state library with Serena, then having a nice chat with Steph, and M talking to me on msn like old times. Fucking happy I tell you! Skyped with Sze then Janesa, then chilled and smoked with Will till 6am-ish.
Today, Cottlesloe with Steph, quality time, just the two of us. (:
And the time you said that this is forever..
Things seem to be getting better.
Things between Mel and me, and things between Steph and me.
Hope this keeps up.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Okay, I've just told you that I think we need to talk.
Now I've gotta figure out what I can tell you and what I should shut up about.
Needta organise my thoughts too, lest I leave something out.
So I'm gonna tell you that,
I get sian sometimes when we make plans, then you hesitate, but when he calls, you jump and run towards him, leaving me God knows where.
And I get sian sometimes when you say okay we'll do this, and you'll get back to me later, and I'm just waiting around for you to get back to me and you only do so after you're done going out with him
I think I should call you out less, cause I think that if you want to see me, you'll let me know.
I know we're close, and I know that you tell me almost everything,
But there're some things about me that I will never tell you, that you will never know about.
Isn't that why we're friends? To find out more about each other?
Even so, I'm not that simple a person, you can't know me for 3 months and then say that you know how I am, and that I'm not like that usually.
You say my mood affects yours, so it must only be logical that your mood would affect mine too right?
And even though I think our moods affect one another, we should still be honest about them and not just put on a fake smile and pretend to enjoy ourselves cause we don't wanna impose on others.
Okay.. Think those 3 points should be good enough for now.
Let's see how it goes tonight.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Note: This is gonna be a messy one.
I've been thinking a lot about what you said toinght.
About me telling you stuff that's bothering me.
But sometimes I feel that the things that are bothering me are so trival, they don't warrent any mention, cause I know I'll get over them soon.
Like, why must I tell you every single little thing that I feel,
I know we're close, and I know that you tell me almost everything,
But there're some things about me that I will never tell you, that you will never know about.
Isn't that why we're friends? To find out more about each other?
Even so, I'm not that simple a person, you can't know me for 3 months and then say that you know how I am, and that I'm not like that usually.
For all you know, I might be some emo freak that cuts myself every now and then just to make sure I bleed.
How can you be so sure that that is not who I really am?
I'm sorry that you're able to tell when I'm not okay, cause sometimes its just really minute things that bother me.
Like the fact that he keeps making you wait around for him.
Like you said, its none of my business even if he does make you wait.
But because I care about you so much, it affects me.
I'm probably overdoing it already, so I'm trying to hide how much I really care for you, and especially the way I feel about you.
People around us can tell, how much I care, and suspect how I feel.
Its a dangerous game I'm playing here, cause now is so not the time to tell you anything about this.
This friendship, everything we've talked about, will just go down the drain if word gets out.
And I don't want to lose you.
Now, here's the shit that bothers me.
I feel that I'm second place to him, which I probably am.
I know that there's no way you'll put me before him on a normal basis, its never gonna happen.
I get damn sian when we arrange to meet sometimes, and then suddenly you have plans with him, and then where does that leave me?
Alone again I guess.
I can't stand it when you say you'll get back to me, and I like wait the whole damn day for you to get back to me, and when I finally hear from you, its cause he has other plans on so now you call me when you've got time to meet me.
I hate how when he asks you to do something, you'll just drop everything, and go look for him.
Leaving me where? Alone again, waiting for you again.
And when you're in a rut, I drop everything that I'm doing just to spend time with you, only to find out that, oh, he's coming to meet you.
Then where the hell does that leave me? What am I supposed to do, stand around and listen to the two of you talk?
Crap ain't it.
You know why I smoked today? It was because I was damn sian that you were feeling so down, and when you came to sit with me, I didn't know what to do, or what I could/couldn't do to make you feel better.
And when I told you that all I can do is be there for you, you said that you didn't expect anything more.
Thing is, I expect more from myself, but I can't possibly let myself go and just tell you everything and why I care so much bout you.
This whole situation is frustrating me to no end.
The reason I want you and him to get together asap, is so that I will close the door on any chance that I think I may have with you.
Then it'll make it so much easier not to think about you, and wonder if your latest argument with him will be your last.
Ohyeah, I hate not being able to tell you all this, I hate having to put on a smile and try to make it seem that I'm okay, when in actual fact I'm not.
I hate how you can see through my mask sometimes, its a damn shame I can't act.
I think that I should meet you less, or at least take less initiative to arrange meetups.
I want to tell you this, but I don't know how to without hurting you.
And if I don't say anything but just slowly let myself drift away, I'm sure you'll notice, and you'll start thinking that maybe its something you did or said.
I just don't want you to be sad, but I know I cannot get too attached to you either.
My heart just would not be able to take it.
You know everytime something happens with you and him, the douche part of me silently hopes that it would end, that you'd give up on him.
That part of me would just die later on, when he shows up and everything's fine, or when we help the two of you to clear things up.
I think that when you ask me what's wrong, and you ask me to please talk to you about it, that you would never suspect, in a million years, that the problem would be me liking you.
In a way, helping you and him out is a damn good cover.
But this has to stop, I have to stop.
How do I stop though?
Its 4.28am in the morning, I'm exhausted, but I don't really wanna go to sleep.
Fuck, this is damn frustrating.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Pushing the people that I would like to like towards others,
Helping them solve their issues with the people they like, so its all good between the two.
Stupidity or unconditional love?
I'm at the point where I'm not sure what's what anymore.
No clue what I'm doing either, I just know that I'll never get the one I want.
Loneliness is key.
Breaking Benjamin - Rain
And the time you said that this is forever..
I think that this is the best picture out of all the photos from Melissa's Halloween Party.
I fucking love and treasure it.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Well, I ended up lying when she spoke to me.
It wasn't a total lie though.
And although I know that I can tell her anything, in this case, it would be better that she did not know.
Maybe if the circumstances change, I might tell her one day.
But for now, she will not, cannot, find out about this.
I'll do whatever it takes to keep it quiet.
Time to put on the fake smile and act like its all good.
And the time you said that this is forever..
How do you tell a good friend, a close friend,
Whom you used to see every single day,
That you think you should not see them or be around them that often anymore,
Cause you're afraid that you'll fall for them,
And that cannot happen because
1) there's someone else for them,
2) you're not their type,
3) you strongly doubt that they're interested in you in that sense,
4) its just plain wrong,
5) if you tell them you like them, it'll screw up the friendship.
What do I do now? Someone help me please.. I don't want to lie to my friend.
And the time you said that this is forever..
I thought I wanted to see you, but when I did, all I wanted to do was leave.
What does that mean???
And the time you said that this is forever..
And I think that you'll only miss me when he's not around.
I don't want to be your second choice, the consolation prize.
But maybe you think that I just don't care.
Perhaps I shouldn't.
Caring always gets me into shit.
Detol should be my latest best friend.
And the time you said that this is forever..
You tell me that you're tired of waiting around for him.
I hope that one day you will see the one who's waiting around for you.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Got into my first fight ever early this morning 'round 4am-ish at Paramount.
Whieeeeeeeeeee! So exciting!
And the time you said that this is forever..
