Its 8.39am in the morning and I am exhausted from the 18 hour flight.
I'll just make little quick notes then go to bed.
Danny, Xin, Fen, Sara and Boye came to see me off.
Met them after check-in then we had a rushed McDonalds breakfast before I had to go in.
And I forgot to take a picture with Sara! *Smacks self on the head*
Flew to Seoul and had an hour's transit where I bought KFC to eat. (I puke at the smell of aeroplane food.)
Got back onto the plane, nearly puked a few times and the Korean kid in the seat behind me that puked didn't really help matters.
Landed in San Fransisco airport(SFO) without any puking incidents and went to check into our hotel, Park 55.
Its near Union Square.
Walked around abit and went back when it got dark.
In the 2 nights in Frisco, we
Took the tram, walked down the crooked-est street in the world, went to Pier 39 on Fisherman's Wharf, saw Alcatraz(yeah! The Rock!), saw Sea Lions basking at Pier 39, had awesome Clam Chowder, visited the aquarium at Pier 39, took the BART(their equivalent of our MRT), caught a United Airlines flight to Las Vegas.
Its like Thursday, December 27, 5:15PM in California, but I'm so wiped from the long long flight.
Will update either later when I get up or tomorrow or something.
G'night guys.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Its 10.15pm now.
Just done packing up for the trip.
Flight's at 9.15am tomorrow morning.
Gonna meet Danny and some of the gang at the airport for breakfast I think.
Crazy people insisted on seeing me off. Hahaha..
Yesterday,
Took a train down to Orchard with Nadzim, Buk and Shikin.
The guys, oh my god, even on the train, in public, they're so pervy.
I swear half the carriage was staring at us man.
Went to walk around Lucky Plaza looking for a wall charger for my Zen Stone but the guy said that I had to get it from a Creative shop.
So I took a bus down to Plaza Sing and went to the Creative shop.
But what the hell, the charger was like $70.
There was a cheaper package deal thing la.. But it cost $40.
Didn't buy it in the end and I went to Yamaha to look for a capo(yeah I still don't have one)
Vammie, Ting, Ling, Bang Yong and D4rk came to look for me and we went down to PastaMania to sit down and wait for Fiona and Ais.
We ate when they came and crapped.
Then walked around while waiting for Justin(Miruku) to arrive.
After that we walked around aimlessly somemore before going to the outdoor pasar malam to have a look see.
I went with Justin for a smoke then we caught up with the rest after.
Just basically stood around talking till Fiona got tired so we all went home.
Went to school today for the Open House at 8.30am.
Was supposed to help out at the Environmental Science booth but Audrey, Candy, Ye Min and I ended up wandering around playing the games instead.
I got two lanyards that were pretty nice, a couple of stickers and a stress ball.
We even managed to do abseiling!
It was hella fun.
Climbed up six storeys, I got scared when I looked down cause the platform was all grilled then I could see straight downwards.
The instructor was damn cool.
She told me the really basic stuff then let me go down fast.
I was freaked and tense at first, but after going down a third of the way, it got reaaaaal smooth. (:
After that we went back to the booth, we had already been away for two hours.
Matthew was nice and didn't say anything about it.
We listened to him talk abit then went for lunch.
Matthew ended up letting us off at 4 when we were supposed to stay till 5+ or 6.
Came home and I fell asleep, was sooo tired.
Got up, ate dinner, packed and changed the furballs' litterboxes.
Spent some time with Cole and Woody and Landy.
Maaaaan I'm really gonna miss those two.
No soft, warm furballs for twelve days. =/
The schedule is, San Fransisco, then Las Vegas(and the Grand Canyon), and finally, Los Angeles(Universal Studios and Disneyland[I'll be in Disneyland for Christmas!])
Gonna be accessing the internet there so I can do my report as well as keep blogging, so stay tuned for updates. (:
The sky is grey, as if its about to rain ~ I pretended to be fine, although I was sad.
I still think of you and wonder if you're doing okay. But ça ne fait rien(it doesn't matter), cause I highly doubt you're doing the same for me.
And the time you said that this is forever..
I have decided, (after looking at the tags in Rae's blog "http://www.raerae.co.nr/")
To stay the hell away from the game that got me so hooked that I almost screwed up my life for it.
Pray I'll have the strength to keep things the way they are,
Me and Maple, seperated.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Somehow I managed to get myself through my daily routine without a glitch, in spite of all that happened yesterday.
I even managed to fall asleep.
I dunno if I'm traumatized or in shock or if I'm just getting over it easier.
But I do know one thing,
My feelings have not changed.
I still care much more than I ever should.
Damn me.
Bayside - Just Enough To Love You
Push me out from the darkness
To a sky that's colored blue
Somewhere someone's finding happiness
While I'm still here so hung up on you
Nothing is real
And I want you to know
That I'm not alright
When you tear open my chest
I'll try not to flinch
Won't make promises
Won't make promises
You taught me that
I'm still losing what's left of my self esteem
And I'm still watching the slow fading of all my daydreams
The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue till it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
The easiest things to fake are feelings to fool someone else
And I've been tricked for so long by you that I spent these last few months in my own hell
A failed apology
A day too late but now I see
That all you really want's to see me dangle neck first from a tree
But what would you need me for
You've got friends galore
And all you've ever been to me is a waste of time, and nothing more
Nothing is real
And I want you to know
That I'm not alright
When you tear open my chest
I'll try not to flinch
Won't make promises
Won't make promises
You taught me that
I hate myself
For loving you like this
I hate myself for hating myself
Just enough to love you
Just enough to love you
And the time you said that this is forever..
Its been 10 days since I last blogged.
(Note: The blacked out portion below is something I wrote for my eyes only.)
Went to school the whole of last week. (Praise please)
Monday and Tuesday were spent in school and doing UTs after school before heading home to stick my feet up and read some Sherrilyn Kenyon.
Wednesday had FYP early early at 9am.
But as usual, Fiona was late so Kalai and I had Macs for breakfast before heading for FYP.
I left my laptop at Macs by accident so we had to go back to get my laptop before heading to school.
Silly silly me.
FYPed till 11+ only then Kalai left.
Fiona was hungry so I ate lunch with her in school.
Then Kwei Lin came and we discussed the possibility of going drinking.
It was cool with me until they started talking about inviting their friends along, friends I didn't really know at all.
Then I started getting uncomfortable and having second thoughts.
Headed home to sleep in the afternoon then met MIN and LYN for pizza hut dinner.
Man I miss those two bitches.
Talked a bit about maple and I'm surprised that they dunno what happened to make me quit it.
Emo topics aside, it was really really really good to meet them again.
Thursday was Analytical class.
Lab lesson.
Damn I hate my faci.
And I think she has something against me too.
She keeps criticizing whatever I do, always trying to find fault.
I damn near threw the heavy motar and pounder at her for being a bitch.
Friday was fun, Bioprospecting.
Had FYP lab during lunchbreak so didn't eat.
But Dr Tan was super nice that day, treated us to Pizza Hut in gratitude for us helping her out the previous week on camera.
Pizza and Coke and Pepsi while we presented.
Shiokness!
Saturday, met Danny and the rest in the late afternoon.
They were just finishing off their sushi buffet neat City Hall.
After that we went to the mrt station and literally stood around trying to decide what to do.
We ended up taking a train down to Vivo to send Danny off to work.
Strolled around Vivo, visited Candy Empire, went to Toys'R'Us, realised Sara was afraid of Barney, saw the damn big Christmas tree on the roof of Vivo, watced a really cool acrobatics/vocal show, visited the puppies at Pet Safari, played some arcade games and saw a gang fight take place.
Then Gigi, Daniel, Sara, Xin, Fen and Str took the train towards Boon Lay while the rest went home.
Gigi, Daniel, Sara and I dropped off at Queenstown mrt to wait for uncle Southernsun to pick us up to go for supper.
Then we drove down to IRC to pick Linda and another friend(Wayne I think) up.
Turns out that SS's car didn't have enough space so Linda, Sara and I shared a cab to Linda's place at Bedok while the guys took the car to Bedok 85 for dinner.
Linda made them ta pao to her place.
So the 3 of us waited and watched a movie before they came.
The beef noodles were damn bloody good man.
After that they played mahjong, Wayne was teaching but I lost interest halfway.
Ended up logging into maple and chatting with my guildies and Lyn and Min who came to look for me.
They called it quits close to 3am and SS sent Gigi, Sara, me and Daniel home, in that order.
Sunday
I slept in, was really beat and sore when I got up.
Stayed home to slack.
Even though I slept at 10pm on Sunday evening, I couldn't get up for school on Monday.
So let my aching body take a break and I only went for the UT after school.
Yesterday, Tuesday
Leonard and I smoked our way through class wahhaha.
UT after school then went to Woodlands library.
I found two Sherrilyn Kenyon books!
Finished one last night, one more to finish before Sunday.
Today,
Was supposed to have some sort of briefing for Saturday's Open House thingy but I decided to give it a miss cause I doubted that I would actually go for Open House on Saturday with my FYP report not done and all.
Sara was online when I woke up and we made plans to have dinner to celebrate her newfound 'freedom'.
For some strange reason, I logged into maple in the afternoon while my sister was having tuition.
I didn't pm anyone or look for anyone when I logged in.
Chatted with my guildies and Bang Yong and I decided to do recruiting since I had A-Cash to spare.
So I megaed and I got spammed, by both people looking for guilds and old friends who didn't know I was online.
Vonnie was the first one who came and looked for me.
Coke was next.
Vonnie was very kancheong when she came.
She told me "We need to talk"
I assumed it was something that she needed help with, but how wrong I was.
I partied her and cc-ed when I was done with the recruiting.
It turns out that Rae asked Von in Malay in their guild chat, why I didn't go look for her(Rae) when I was online.
Needless to say I was shocked and stunned by that question.
I mean, I didn't know it was compulsory for me to look for Rae when I logged into maple, and its not like I do it often too anyway.
Vonnie seemed abit hurt that I didn't look for her(maybe I'm wrong), asking me how many other times I had logged in without telling anyone.
I told her the truth, 3-4 times before in 6 months.
We chatted in party and she mentioned that she hated that humjikia.
*Shrugs*
Anyway, Vonnie was asking me to go do 4th job and I told her about the final promise that I made to Rae as her boyfriend, to visit Leafre with her when it came out.
Suddenly she said that Rae was in the channel that we were in and coming.
Vonnie asked if I was okay, in actual fact, I think I was shivering, and it wasn't just cause of the cold weather.
So Rae came with XY in tow.
I didn't really say much cause I was lagging and it was uncomfortable.
Vonnie asked if I was okay again then I told her that it was weird.
Surprise surprise, Vonnie said that Rae told her that it was awkward.
You could just imagine my disbelief when I heard that.
After a bit of random chatting with everyone present, Rae mentioned about wanting to bring me to explore the new maps.
Bloody hell, I was so shocked that I cap-ed in party chat, "VONNIE DID YOU TELL HER?"
Von said no, and I trust Von.
Cheeken.. I was so bloody stunned that Rae read my mind.
I didn't reply Rae when she asked me if I would be online long cause I lagged and I really didn't know what to say.
After the lag I continued chatting like nothing happened.
Then after awhile she said I didn't answer her question so I asked her to repeat it, explaining that I had lagged.
Then she asked me if I would be online long, I said I didn't know.
Vonnie was asking me if I would move on if I had fulfilled that final promise.
I said I didn't know.
Made some excuse and went to get ready and change.
Von was like "*peeps*" and shockingly, Rae said that too.
Chatted a bit more when I got back, tried to decide what t-shirt to wear, then Rae was like, "no need shirt lah".
o_o Oh my god.
After that, chatted a bit more with everyone then OS was asking why I kept hanging on the ladder, and I replied, "shy" "cause so many people came to stalk me" "*blushes*".
Then Rae said something about not wanting to be labeled a stalker so she was gonna go elsewhere to slack.
I didn't stop her or say anything.
I tracked her and she went to Fm enterence.
So I talked a bit more with the rest and when I decided I wanted to go off, I pmed Vonnie and asked her if I should go look for Rae to say goodbye.
She said okay so I went.
Found her at the other end of the Fm room we were in and I sat beside her.
Told her I was going off then she was like, "so fast go le?"
I said that I didn't expect to stay online this long.
Then Rae said something about not going to jalan jalan already and she said something about asking me if I remembered old times when we went exploring.
I said that it was in the past when she was halfway through talking about the promise that we made to explore the new maps together.
That sentence made my jaw bloody drop.
How the hell does she do that?
Its almost as if she's really reading my bloody mind.
I mean, she did it when we were together but now its different and I'm amazed how she can still read my mind like an open book.
Then she apologised for bringing up the past and me being such a sucker, didn't completely turn her down on her invitation to go touring.
I just said that we'll just see how it goes.
Through the time I was online in Maple, Rae mentioned bringing me to go explore new maps at least 3 or 4 times lah.. To me and to friends.
Why's she so bent on bringing me around? Its confusing. =/
After that I said cya and went off to meet Sara, Xin, Gigi and Jolvin at Bedok interchange.
I was an hour late.
Smsed Vonnie along the way to tell her what happened.
Bloody stunned still.
Emoed abit on the bus.
When I was en route, Gigi called and said they wanted to go Tampines instead.
Met up with them at Bedok and went to the library to find my Sherrilyn Kenyon book, but they didn't have it. :(
Then we took a train to Tampines and walked around waiting for Sue to come so we could have dinner.
Sara lost her card to the UOB atm machine cause she forgot her PIN number lol.
Ate KFC then went to walk around cause Sara wanted to get shorts still.
Went to the arcade and played some games and yelled quite a bit.
Then we headed to Toys'R'Us where we found out that the Spiderman plushies were very flexible.. In a perverted way.
After laughing our asses off, we went our seperate ways.
Came home, showered and blasted rock in my ears.
No lovey dovey I-miss-you-I-can't-live-without-you-I-want-you-back music for me tonight.
Not after what I went through today.
You have no idea how hard it is to bare your soul to one person, and have him or her rub your face in the dirt, but you still love them anyway, but at the same time, you can't stand him or her, wishing that they'd get the hell out of your life, and yet, knowing that you will miss them every day that they are not around. Its hellish to wage a war with yourself, a war in which the victory is waaaay out of reach, so whatever you do, you still lose. Part of you misses that someone so much, and another part of you knows that you can't trust yourself to be around that someone, cause of the chance that you will just fall head over heels back into the mess that you just managed to get yourself out off.
What the hell am I gonna do?
A part of me really wants to go back to maple.
I miss all my buddies and hell, I even miss training and doing rubbish with friends.
But another part of me reasons that I will just get myself stuck in the virtual world and neglect my reality once again.
I don't wanna hurt my friends and family again.
Fuck it man.
What the hell do you do when you can't trust both your heart and your head?
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know...
And all of this was all your fault.
And all of this...
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
And the time you said that this is forever..
Weekend spent at home watching movies and reading fanficts and playing CS.
Stardust, Scary Movie, Epic Movie etc.
Bloody dull weekend.
I hate how you still get me, how my heart beats faster and my hands feel colder when you say hi. I hate how some part of me still hopes and dreams of the impossible, how that part of be still believes in miracles and dreams and fairytales and happy endings. I hate that part of myself, and try to supress it, but then you have to go and say hello, and I fall all over again. Its strange how you can read me like an open book, when all I am to you's just a line, not worth a second look. You chat with me, it feels like old times again, then suddenly I get no reply and I realise you've gone off again without letting me know. I feel used, the second choice, the one whom you can always rely on to be there for whenever you feel like you have noone else. I hate how I can still feel this way after so long, its supposed to mean nothing. Times like these, I can't help but think of the first song you sent me, your emo song, and I realise how true the lyrics are.
Oh how hard the asinine fall.
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only-
Crystal and see-through and not enough to you
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
And the time you said that this is forever..
